Friday, May 8, 2009

She Gave Me Her Life

When I turned 13, everything she did drove me crazy. Okay, I was 11.

She was tacky, and stupid, and I didn't want to hang out with her. She made me eat breakfast every day. She made me set the table, do the dishes, and pay for my own clothes since I had a job at a young age. She pulled the covers off my bed on the coldest days to make me get out of bed. We fought about EVERYTHING.

Some days I hated her, and I told her so. All I wanted to do was be a grown up so I could move away from home and be away from her nagging.

I grew up. I moved out. I got married. I had a child of my own. As I held my beautiful baby boy in my arms I wondered how she POSSIBLY went through that THREE times.

As my son grew and I got no sleep, had no time to have a shower or God forbid a nap, I started to realize what she gave me.

She gave me her life.

She stayed home and raised me, my older sister and brother too. She kept us fed and cozy. We ate at the dinner table, every night. There weren't many hugs and no "I love yous". She showed her love with chocolate pudding with whipped cream and a cherry, or a warm batch of cookies when we got home from school. Now as adults and parents - we know just how much she loved us.

When I finally told her that my husband and I were getting divorced, when I revealed the horrors I had been through for the past year that I had hidden from her, how he cheated on me, how we went to counseling, how I hoped so badly that things would work out only to find out that he never gave up his mistress, when I finally decided I couldn't ever forgive him or let him hurt me or our son like that anymore, she cried.

We hugged each other. I moved back home, with my beautiful baby boy.

Starting out I only had my son every other week. The first night I came home late after being out with my girlfriends my bed was turned down and my bedside light was on.

On my first holiday in 9 years without being with my son I came home after work feeling bad because I couldn't take him trick or treating. It was his daddy's night to have him. There were two wrapped Halloween candies on my nightstand.

I love you too, Mom.

1 comment:

Rachelle said...

Heather, you are an amazing writer and an even more amazing woman. You share your heart and soul. I am sooo impressed with you and sooo proud of you.