Monday, June 30, 2008

To My Brave Boy

It’s been a while since I’ve dedicated a blog to you, sweetie. You know why, Mommy has had a lot of other things on her mind.

You have been so good through all of this. You knew Mommy and Daddy weren’t getting along, even though we tried to hide the fighting and the tears. We tried so hard to make things work for you, to keep us all together as a family. I hope some day you will understand why we couldn’t make it work. I also hope that your experiences will help you with the girls in your life some day. I want to teach you so many things; respect, loyalty, honesty, loving someone for just who they are. I hope you will be a better man, and I will do everything I can to make that happen.

I love you for worrying about me, even though it breaks my heart that you have had to. No little boy should have to experience the hurt that you have. Just know that if I could have made things different for you, I would have. I would do anything for you, you know that.

So many nights you would sneak out to the couch to be closer to our room while we slept. I don’t know if you were worried that one of us might leave in the night and that’s why you slept by the front door, but we would never do that to you. I know you snuck in and slept next to my bed on the floor because you wanted to be there to hug me if you heard me cry. You cuddled me every chance you had, you still do, and you were so sad the times when I couldn’t hold the tears back in front of you. I am sorry that I couldn’t be strong all the time and that you had to see me in pain.

For many months you acted like you wanted to be with me more than Daddy, and he felt bad about that. But then you told us that you wanted Daddy to be gone a lot so we would miss each other and realize we wanted to be together forever. I don’t know how my heart could have broken any more than it already has, honey.

We will start a new and better life together, you and I. I will miss you on the days you are with Daddy, miss seeing you after school, making dinner together, and tucking you in with a kiss on your forehead. But I know we will be happier this way, and I promise you I will do whatever it takes to help you along the way.

I love you, Ri-bear. Around the Universe and back, infinity times.